Tag Archives: LOVERS

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2013…= 6… In Tarot cards, ‘6’ is the number of The Lovers.

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A year for Love; self love, love of other.  There is invitation in this year to notice how you give and receive love.  How you place expectation around the love you give/or not, and the choice to choose harmony, kindness, and care as you move through your moments and days.  Whether in an intimate way or in passing, there is always an opportunity to consider how you will give generously of yourself.

Within this generosity of self is the mindfulness of giving without expectation, without condition on how the giving ‘should’, ‘could’, ‘outta’, ‘I hope’ the return will be.    Allowing the giving to be your joy with no want of return.

For many of us, this can be really challenging, when we feel we give and give and give with very little that feels like a return; wanting something back, wanting to be given the same love we feel we are giving and ending up feeling empty.

I invite you, if you feel this way, to consider if what you are giving comes from the heart, and requires no need of return? Or, are you giving because it’s expected, or you desire and hunger for some love in return that isn’t there in the way you want it?  Are you ending up missing the love that comes to you because you’re to immersed in only one way that you perceive it and are willing to receive it?

Love is limitless and comes in so many subtle and expansive ways.  A heart open with out expectation will reap what love is sowed. A heart that is compartmentalizes limits the gift of Love that  may not fall into any one of the little compartments that you place what you believe Love should rest or how it should Be defined.

Let this year, this invitation to Be the Love you wish to see, feel, experience, and Be.

You get to choose.

Can you give without expectation?

Can you love yourself unconditionally?

Can you be fearless in your Love?

Can you summon Love to you when it feels like love has left the room?

How will you invite love into your days and moments?

How can you open your heart a little bit further to give and receive it?

Can you be loving even if it means you must step away from the receiver and let them do what they may?

Who needs a little more love from you right now?

Can you be OK with asking for more love and receive that there might  not be love available in the way you want it?

Can you believe you are absolutely worth of being love and are actually, always loved?

 

Happy New year…

Peace and LOve.

LOVERLY AND BE-DEVILED… 6/15

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12 july 2012     >   6/15     >  Lovers/Devil

 MOM N DAD

TAROT HAIKU

Love is everywhere

There is no place it can’t be

Eyes closed breathe it in

 

Good morning… Thought I’d summersault my way to these pages this morning.  Clearly, a daily TArot and numerology experience is not going to happen here, tho’ I do so love sharing my perceptions here with you.  It wasn’t all that long ago that I ‘interviewed’ the Lovers, (13th june) and here that day rolls back as it does in what seems often.

How ever it all shakes out, this is a day of relationships, communion with others, the gift of caring, giving and receiving, the experience of deepening yourself with yourself through the exchange with others.  

In this dual world of light n’ dark, sorrow and joy, all those opposites staring each other in the face; this is a day to find awareness in your own humanity, and how you can take those opposites and find your center.  People, relationships, love, communion, all are ways to know who you are in the world.  How you can be your best self by the reflection of others.  

Be-devilment, is that piece of the story that stirs the pot of these exchanges allowing for deeper and more meaningful challenges to rise to support or inhibit your relationships.  

And, when questions of trust, or a feeling of giving and giving and getting nothing in return rise, the Devil pokes and prods you into finding the sweet spot to figuring that all out.  Only, it doesn’t often feel very good in the process.  So, if you give and feel there is no return and you’re on empty, maybe it’s a time to consider this: are you giving for the simple joy of giving or are you giving cause you desire return.  To give in a pure sense, is to receive.  If relationships are not feeling good, then is it time to settle into observing the journey?  Is this how you wish your ‘Heart’s Desire’ to flow?  If not, than what is your intention?  And how can you find the joy in the center?

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

LOVERS.. AN INTERVIEW

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13 june 2012   > 6/15  >   Lovers/Devil

 

Hi there.  thanks for your visit.  Todays invitation and mini interview is with The Lovers.  I may have to pick just one for the chat.  It could kinda busy with them both talking at once.

My idea around interviewing the cards is to give you some idea of how I imagine they are in a sort of ‘real life’ moment.  The essence of them get shared for you to think about how the ‘energy’ of them might related to your life, your moments.  And as you consider what might be essential to the card and the small identity I define for them here, you can take for yourself a piece that might empower you in your life.  Within these tarot Archetypes live much of our own stories.  How do you want your story to go?

 

Me…

  Aren’t you two just so cute.   Are you always so ‘together’?

Lovers…

   I suppose that depends on which day or moment you meet up with us.  It’s hard work to be us. Hahaha.

Me…

   Are you saying that being Lovers, being in intimate relationship is really all that kind of hard work?

Lovers…

   Are you kidding?  OH Ya… We work to be this cute.  It requires great honesty and deep trust to share a life together.  Lots of sharing and conversation.  Making appropriate agreements that might work for one and not the other and revamping the agreement.  Not avoiding our feelings.  Let’s see what else… not getting enmeshed in each others in ways that we are so mingles with each other that it’s hard to separate who’s who.  Making sure our personal, inner relationship within ourself is solid and clear and that we don’t need the other to be a Whole person.  Bringing our ‘Wholeness’ into the relationship rather than 

“OH look, there’s someone lacking and I can bring what they lack into the relationship and they can be whole because of me”  NO… Two whole, conscious people, coming together cause they like each other and have commonality, and want to be together.  In other words,  We work on our personal selves so that we can bring to this relationship our  complete, honest, integrity.  Believe me some days are better than others.  Hahaha.

Me…

   Wow.  I know what you mean when people get all enmeshed with each other and you don’t know whos who and they aren’t even separate individuals anymore.  What is something that gets in the way of you flowing well together?

Lovers…

   I’d say that when I’m not flowing well within myself, like not talking about my feelings, holding in, or not addressing that I’m not feeling OK for whatever reason; that can lead to confusion within me and with my partner.  Or maybe, I’m busy doing, and giving all the time and forget to do and give to myself.  Also, talking about scary things that need talking about.  Old history that has nothing to do with my sweetheart, and it gets triggered by an incident and withdrawal happens cause I’m scared and unsure of what that all means.  Stuff like that. 

Me…

   So you have to rise above your fear cause your relationship within yourself and then the relationship with others can be damages in some way.

Lovers…

   yes, that can happen.  It’s not like you have to share every little niggly thing that annoys or flows over you.  There are some things that are mine and I don’t have to share them.  And… If you’re going to be with someone and even more importantly;  have a good relationship with yourself that honors your self esteem, and honors your journey in life, then you have to communicate.  Cause if you aren’t liking yourself for any reason, it’s likely that that will interfere with all your relationships sooner or later.

Me…

   Absolutely.  Any closing relationship words?

Lovers…

   Love yourself.  Be as good to yourself as you would be to another.  Kinda the Golden Rule of life taken inward.  All your relationships, good, bad, fabulous, whatever… give you information about how you can be the best self you can be.  Always be, feel, express, your best and highest self.  Let Love move you to action.

Me… 

   Thanks you two.  Now go and relate.  lol.

 

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As always…If today is your birthday, these are questions to consider for the whole year.  Grab one or all and see what stirs you up.  Change the wording around to make it feel right for you.  As you ponder these thoughts and questions, please take a moment to sit quietly and breathe.  Let your breath guide you into a quiet place for the questions to have a moment to brew and shimmer.  Invite your wisdom to be your guide.  And remember, if overwhelm sets in, take a very little step.  You have as much time as you need.

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LETTING IN THE LOVELINESS…. again

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4 june 2012   >  >   6/15   >   Lovers/Devil

 

Good morning. I made an oopzy yesterday and did yesterdays for today.  Sorry.  It’s actually probably easier to have the day ahead be for the next day. Did that make sense?  

 

 A Lovers day.  Aaaah.  Settling into a day of relationship.  If it is your birthday, it is a whole year of delving into relationship with yourself and others.  Deepening the creative force and value of the ‘6’.

 

In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing left for you.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

The Lovers is very much the way of the ‘6’.  Seeking partnership and connection on a heart level; really on any level.  Even for some that avoid or deny their desire or want for relationship, are actually paying a lot of attention to it by the avoidance.  And, IMO, relationships are how we deepen ourselves and find out who we really are in the land that is us.  Relationships, reflect back to us how we connect, exchange, feel love, and friendship.  How we cherish ourselves.  How is your relationship with yourself these days?

 

Now that Devil… well…The Devil is the trickster, he/she who sets before you choices that tease you from your path and suggest that you might want to try something different, a new fruit to flavor your life. Also, the Devil can push your denial to a higher level and invite you to go in deeper to understand that denial if you can face your fear of being loved and cared for as you are.   When you begin to question who you are and what you do, the Devil will slip into your mind, and tickle at what challenges these questions. The Devil, that little poky voice within, pushes at your marginal resolve, into something that might not be the something you had in mind.  If you know what I mean?  The Devil will challenge your relationships; the ones you have with others and the the one you have with yourself. Thus, I am of the mind that the Devil performs a gift for you on your Path of life so that you can really have a sense of your integrity, your authenticity, and how you allow harmony and love in your life. 

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

LETTING IN ALL THE LOVELINESS

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3 june 2012    >   6/15   >   Lovers/Devil

 

Good morning.  A Lovers day.  Aaaah.  Settling into a day of relationship.  If it is your birthday, it is a whole year of delving into relationship with yourself and others.  Deepening the creative force and value of the ‘6’.

 

In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing left for you.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

The Lovers is very much the way of the ‘6’.  Seeking partnership and connection on a heart level; really on any level.  Even for some that avoid or deny their desire or want for relationship, are actually paying a lot of attention to it by the avoidance.  And, IMO, relationships are how we deepen ourselves and find out who we really are in the land that is us.  Relationships, reflect back to us how we connect, exchange, feel love, and friendship.  How we cherish ourselves.  How is your relationship with yourself these days?

 

Now that Devil… well…The Devil is the trickster, he/she who sets before you choices that tease you from your path and suggest that you might want to try something different, a new fruit to flavor your life. Also, the Devil can push your denial to a higher level and invite you to go in deeper to understand that denial if you can face your fear of being loved and cared for as you are.   When you begin to question who you are and what you do, the Devil will slip into your mind, and tickle at what challenges these questions. The Devil, that little poky voice within, pushes at your marginal resolve, into something that might not be the something you had in mind.  If you know what I mean?  The Devil will challenge your relationships; the ones you have with others and the the one you have with yourself. Thus, I am of the mind that the Devil performs a gift for you on your Path of life so that you can really have a sense of your integrity, your authenticity, and how you allow harmony and love in your life. 

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

 please visit my poetry blog…. http://geezergirl.org

GIVIN’ THE LOVIN’

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23 may 2012   >   6/15  >  Lovers/Devil

 

TAROT HAIKU

It’s a festival

The air is filled with heart beats

be the love you want

 

Good morning… Can you feel all the love you’re gonna be having and giving today?  Relationships are the keynote speaker today and that means with you and with those that give meaning to your life wether you like it or not.  And then there is always the relationship you have with yourself.  Now, there’s a tricky one!  How’s that going anyway?

 

Getting real’ with yourself and others in that exchange between people that requires depth and integrity.  Saying what you mean from your heart. Nurturing the love and kindness of life.   Pausing before you spill some inappropriate honesty that really doesn’t serve you or a loved one.  Cause… ya’ll know that the bedevilment card lurks in the peripheral, and can feel compelled to say just about any ol’ thing to stir the pot of goodness into something not so nice.  That is the gift of the Devil: to hear that voice that has no filters before it actually pours out of your mouth. Cause, you know when you have that funky attitude going on.  Right?

 

In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the humanitarian, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing left for you.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

 

‘15’ is the Devil card… and how you get to the Devil, is by ‘1’, the magician, and ‘5’, the Hierophant.  There is certainly magic and the twirling of the element going on when the Devil is hungry, and there is that Self-righteousness, that can be in the Hierophant.  Put the whirl and twirl of magical thinking and the Self-righteousness of a person that imagines them-selves superior and you can have some negative behavior going on.

Be mind-full and kind.

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

 

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14 may 2012   >  6/15  >  Lovers/Devil

TAROT HAIKU

Only you know right

Open is the heart’s prayer

Love never left you

 

Morning.  sorry that yesterday was not attended to… 13 may 2012 was a 14/5 day.  Please, if you are so inclined check out my post.. “Double bubble YOu are not in trouble”  23 April for some thoughts on Alchemy and The Hierophant.  Thanks.

 

Back on track here.  Is a Lover’s kinda day with that Devil sneaking a poke at you.

Todays invitation is about relationships, with others and yourself.  In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the humanitarian, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing left for you.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

Now that Devil… well…The Devil is the trickster, he/she who sets before you choices that tease you from your path and suggest that you might want to try something different, a new fruit to flavor your life.  When you begin to question who you are and what you do, the Devil will slip into your mind, and tickle at what challenges these questions. The Devil, that little poky voice within, pushes at your marginal resolve, into something that might not be the something you had in mind.  If you know what I mean?  The Devil will challenge your relationships; the ones you have with others and the the one you have with yourself. Thus, I am of the mind that the Devil performs a gift for you on your Path of life so that you can really have a sense of your integrity, your authenticity, and how you allow harmony and love in your life. 

 

As always…If today is your birthday, these are questions to consider for the whole year.  Grab one or all and see what stirs you up.  Change the wording around to make it feel right for you.  As you ponder these thoughts and questions, please take a moment to sit quietly and breathe.  Let your breath guide you into a quiet place for the questions to have a moment to brew and shimmer.  Invite your wisdom to be your guide.  And remember, if overwhelm sets in, take a very little step.  You have as much time as you need.

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

LIONS N’ TIGERS N’ LOVERS… oh my… ‘6’

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5 may  2012    >   6/15   >   Lovers/Devil

 

TAROT HAIKU

Devil may not care

In the tease, taunt, and torture

Notice loves message

 

 

Good afternoon… Late in the blogging.  Sorry.  I suppose I should just to tomorrow and then, someone is gonna like today’s invitation, I’m sure of it.  (My story)

Todays invitation is about relationships with others and yourself.  In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the humanitarian, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing left for yourself and you wonder “What about me?”. If and when that happens, I invite you to consider whether you were giving of your self without expectation as it is in the expectation that can make the giving not as much from the heart as you might have hoped.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

 

The Lovers is all about relationship with yourself and with others.  The Devil as the ally can seem like one of the those cards you go “REALLLLY?”  Ya. really, the Devil challenges you to be accountable for what you do and say.  The Devil will indeed poke at your edges, bedevil you into thinking/feeling/imagining that perhaps you are wrong, making bad decisions, or that something is alway better just over there where the grass must be greener.  The Devil taunts, teases, seeks to finesse all relationships into a place where you might find the wisdom to trust your own worth and decision making power.

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

REAL-A-TION-SHIPS – ‘6’

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24 april 2012  >  6/15   >  Lovers/Devil

TAROT HAIKU

Be the listener

Heart has words for you to hear

Sit closely  and love

 

Mornin’.  Love is in the air loaded with possibilities.  A real-ation-ship kinda day or year (if it’s your birthday).  ‘Getting real’ with yourself and others in that exchange between people that requires depth and integrity.  Saying what you mean from your heart. Nurturing the love and kindness of life.   Pausing before you spill some inappropriate honesty that really doesn’t serve you or a loved one.  Cause… ya’ll know that the bedevilment card lurks in the peripheral, and can feel compelled to say just about any ol’ thing to stir the pot of goodness into something not so nice.  That is the gift of the Devil: to hear that voice that has no filters before it actually pours out of your mouth.  Cause, you know when you have that funky attitude going on.  Right?

In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the humanitarian, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing left for you.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

‘15’ is the Devil card… and how you get to the Devil, is by ‘1’, the magician, and ‘5’, the Hierophant.  There is certainly magic and the twirling of the element going on when the Devil is hungry, and there is that Self-righteousness, that can be in the Hierophant.  Put the whirl and twirl of magical thinking and the Self-righteousness of a person that imagines them-selves superior and you can have some negative behavior going on.

Be mind-full and kind.

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?

 

BEDEVILED, BOTHERED, AND BEWILDERED ‘6’

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15 april  2012…  >  6/15 >  Lovers/Devil

 crowley tarot…lovers

Oops… kinda off my days here.  and my addition leave a lot to be taken for.  Sorry.  I always marvel at how I do that with such simple math.  Only, I was caught in the death of my brother on that Empress day and clearly I had to make that all days till today.  So… back on track

I sure can use a Lovers kinda day.  How about you?

TAROT HAIKU

Love always sees you

Are you willing to be seen?

Live with open heart

 

Todays invitation is about relationships with others and yourself.  In the ‘6’ there is a great desire for harmony, there is the nurturer, the care giver, the humanitarian, the giving of the self so that others thrive, and the focus on hearth and home.  If your number is ‘6’ (add your date of birth together) you also have a charm about you that can be irresistible. Problems rise when you have given yourself away and have nothing for yourself.  It’s easy to see the Lovers in this number.  

Now that Devil… well…The Devil is the trickster, he/she who sets before you choices that tease you from your path and suggest that you might want to try something different, a new fruit to flavor your life.  When you begin to question who you are and what you do, the Devil will slip into your mind, and tickle at what challenges these questions. The Devil, that little poky voice within, pushes at your marginal resolve, into something that might not be the something you had in mind.  If you know what I mean?  The Devil will challenge your relationships; the ones you have with others and the the one you have with yourself. Thus, I am of the mind that the Devil performs a gift for you on your Path of life so that you can really have a sense of your integrity, your authenticity, and how you allow harmony and love in your life. 

 

QUESTION TO PONDER

 

How do you sustain harmony and balance in your life?

When do you notice that you have ‘giving yourself away’ and there isn’t enough for just you?

If the ‘Devil made you do it’, what would you have done otherwise?

What patterns rise for you when life is going well and balanced, and you get restless to stir the pot up by creating disharmony?  Why?

How do you make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as others?

How does the ‘be-devilment’ remind you of who you really are?

How do you trick yourself into believing the unbelievable?

How will you nurture your relationships in a healthy way?

How do you make friends with your devilish side?

What would you like to do differently from your usually pattern of caregiving that still feels like you are giving and receiving?